me as a mom

image

i feel like it needs to be said that this is a quote from carly rae jepsen

the biggest lie the weight loss industry ever sold us was the idea that the lower body fat % you have, the stronger and fitter you are. think about how stupid that is for a second. imagine explaining this concept to a caveman. he‘d just eat you for protein

Gug think easy kill thin hide with spear

not so fast, Gug. i just drank 10 green juice cleanse flights. after the bloody diarrhea passes, my weight will have dropped 50% and i’ll have ingested enough fruit sugars to kill a horse - and kill a horse i will.

Gug respect and fear shaman. Gug fear what gug not understand.

that’s right, bitch

Your dad is gerrymandering that pizza

replace the word "gay" with "cute" in dudebro speak and it becomes fucking incredible. i'm gonna be real that was kinda cute of you dude

CAT showcasing equipment during an indoor demo for potential buyers

cat shelter for dads

thistoowillpasss:
“”

image
image
image
image

god i love watching these train wrecks from a distance

The update gets worse

image
flakes-girlfriend:
“gayagendas:
“yeahiwasintheshit:
“‘Top’
”
I hope they start having better sex, what a shame
”
me and my friends praying for better gay sex in the vatican
”

I hope they start having better sex, what a shame

image

me and my friends praying for better gay sex in the vatican

How do they insist on having the most flattering possible light for passport photos. Like public bathroom mirrors I'm a solid 4/10, home mirror it's "ugly, but ehh you can go outside", random reflective surfaces in public places are like "shouldn't have left the house you fucking ghoul" and I don't take selfies at all because I'll just look like a racist caricature of an ethnicity I don't even belong in.

But for some inexplicable, unfathomable reason a passport photo is "good luck getting through security with this pretty boy shit. You don't even look like that."

Sir, I regret to inform you most people have thee complete opposite of your problem.